She was a stunning young bride who married a wealthy and influential art critic. But she soon discovered that he had no interest in her body or her happiness. So she ran off with his handsome and talented friend, a painter who adored her and gave her eight children.
This is the story of Effie Gray, John Ruskin, and John Everett Millais, a love triangle that scandalized Victorian society and inspired countless works of art, literature, and film.
Effie was only 19 when she tied the knot with Ruskin, who was 10 years older than her, in 1848. She had known him since she was a little girl, when he wrote a fairy tale for her. Her family thought he was a good catch, as he was a famous writer and lecturer on art and architecture.
But their marriage turned out to be a nightmare. On their wedding night, Ruskin recoiled from his wife’s naked body and refused to touch her. He later explained his bizarre reason: “It may be thought strange that I could abstain from a woman who to most people was so attractive. But though her face was beautiful, her person was not formed to excite passion. On the contrary, there were certain circumstances in her person which completely checked it.”
Effie was heartbroken by his rejection and felt trapped in a loveless marriage. She later said: “He had imagined women were quite different to what he saw I was, and that the reason he did not make me his Wife was because he was disgusted with my person the first evening”.
The couple went to Venice for their honeymoon, where Ruskin immersed himself in his research for his book The Stones of Venice. Effie felt lonely and bored, while Ruskin ignored her and treated her like a child. He also had a strict moral code and a disdain for physical pleasures. He preferred to admire women from a distance, as idealized objects of beauty.
Effie’s misery continued when they returned to Scotland and lived at Bowerswell, her family home. Ruskin’s mother, who had a phobia of the place after witnessing three tragic deaths there, did not attend their wedding or visit them. Ruskin spent most of his time writing and lecturing, while Effie felt isolated and depressed.
In 1853, Ruskin invited his protégé John Everett Millais, a young and talented painter, to join them at Bowerswell. Millais was one of the founders of the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood, a group of artists who rebelled against the conventional style of painting and sought to capture nature and emotion with realism and intensity.
Millais wanted to paint a portrait of Ruskin in front of a waterfall. He asked Effie to accompany them on their trips to the countryside, where he could observe her closely and sketch her features. He was struck by her beauty and charm, and soon fell in love with her. Effie also developed feelings for Millais, who treated her with respect and admiration.
The attraction between them was obvious to everyone but Ruskin, who was oblivious to his wife’s unhappiness and his friend’s betrayal. He even praised Millais’ portrait of him, saying: “I have never seen a woman so beautiful as you are; nor ever shall.”
But Effie could not bear the deception any longer. She decided to leave Ruskin and seek an annulment of their marriage on the grounds of non-consummation. She wrote to him: “I am now quite convinced that he is going mad.”
Ruskin was shocked and angry by her decision. He wrote back: “I have been deceived, basely deceived; but thank God there is still a way of escape.”
The annulment was granted in 1854, after Effie passed a medical examination that proved she was still a virgin. The scandal caused a sensation in Victorian society, which condemned Effie as an adulteress and a gold-digger. Ruskin’s reputation also suffered, as people speculated about his sexuality and sanity.
Effie married Millais in 1855 and had eight children with him. She became a successful hostess and patroness of the arts, as well as an author and artist herself. She died in 1897 at the age of 69.
Ruskin never married again and devoted himself to his work. He died in 1900 at the age of 81.