Once upon a time in the Middle Ages, doctors spun tales stranger than fiction about the birds, the bees, and the STDs. We often chuckle at the naivety of ancient medical practices, but delve a bit into the past, and you’ll find that medieval theories about STD transmission could give the most outlandish fantasy novels a run for their money.
In the archives of bizarre medical musings, we stumble upon the Prose Salernitan Questions, a 13th-century text that would have us believe that leper’s semen could transform into a “putrid vapor” within a woman, only to infect the next man she beds. It’s a little like a sexually transmitted game of hot potato, and just as perplexing. Imagine believing that the cold female complexion was a petri dish for the male contagion, and the next gentleman caller would leave with more than just a fond memory.
But wait, there’s more. Too much intercourse? That could supposedly deplete your very essence and cause putrefaction of the genitals, as whispered about John of Gaunt, the Duke of Lancaster, a reputed medieval playboy. Too little, on the other hand, was no better. Celibacy could allegedly make you swell up and die, as King Louis VIII of France purportedly did, a victim of his own chastity on the battlefield of the Albigensian Crusade.
The remedies, oh the remedies! They were as fanciful as the theories. You’ve got John of Gaddesden, a 14th-century English physician, suggesting the cleansing of one’s manhood with either urine or a vinegar-water concoction, followed by a spirited course of bleeding and purgation. And if you’re cringing at the thought, spare a moment for the poor souls treated by surgeon John of Arderne, whose patients had their genital sores treated with quicklime after excising the dead flesh with a blade. Talk about adding insult to injury!
Now, let’s not forget about the ladies. Medieval medicine was an equal opportunity offender, claiming that a woman’s retained seed could cause “suffocation of the womb.” The solution? A diet of cold foods, anaphrodisiacs like rue tea, and, in dire circumstances, genital stimulation prescribed by no lesser authority than the physician himself. Yes, you read that right.
Flash forward to the present, and we find that some medieval diseases like syphilis are making a comeback, with nearly 8,700 diagnoses in a recent year in England alone. The ancient “French disease” seems to have a penchant for resurfacing through history, having claimed countless victims since its first documentation during the French invasion of Naples.
Today, modern medicine has replaced mercury and arsenic treatments with antibiotics like penicillin, and sexual health clinics offer testing and treatment free of charge. Yet, the need for preventative measures like condoms remains as relevant as ever, proving that while we may have evolved from the medieval mindset, the battle against STDs is far from over.
So, the next time you find yourself in a conversation about medieval times, you can regale your audience with tales of leper semen and putrid vapors, excessive celibacy and genital quicklime treatments. After all, history might just be the greatest storyteller of us all.
Relevant articles:
– TIL: Medieval doctors had many theories about STDs. The Prose Salernitan, teaches that, leper semen might leave the woman unharmed, but turns into a putrid vapor inside her which enters the next man. Others believed too much intercourse depletes you and too little causes you to swell up and die.
– History of Sexually Transmitted Disease
– Medieval disease returns as infections TREBLE